Early Bird - Special Offer!

Special offer for the early birds:

£10 off the nude session and £20 off the body to body for morning sessions between 9-11am.

Offer valid till the end of March 2014.

Intimacy And Desire (Reconciling The Erotic & The Domestic)

Psychologist Esther Perel is recognised as one of the world’s most original and insightful voices on couples and sexuality across cultures. Her best-selling and award-winning book, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic, has been translated into 24 languages. Here’s what she had to say on:

 Intimacy

100 years ago, intimacy was simply living together, sharing the companionship and vicissitudes of life. Today, “into me see” is about transcending your existential aloneness by sharing your inner life with another. My experience of closeness with you is my ability to share my feelings, fears, aspirations and dreams with you, and for you to be reflective, to validate me, to make me feel like I matter, because I’m sharing my most precious property – my inner life – with you.

 Attraction

Attraction is how much we are drawn in by a person, by their looks, their energy, their radiance, their intelligence; how much they elicit (in us) a sense of wonder, curiosity and aesthetics.

 Desire

Desire likes meeting with the unknown, mystery, and surprise. It needs space, otherness and difference to thrive. It needs a bridge to cross and somebody to visit on the other side.

 Love

Love likes to know the beloved, to narrow the gap, to neutralise the threat, to minimise the distance. Love wants mutuality, reciprocity, care and responsibility.

 Desire versus Love

Those ingredients that are central to Love can often stifle Desire, because if you feel too responsible for someone, worry too much about them, if they make you anxious, then you cannot retreat into your own playful, imaginative, exploratory world in order to experience pleasure and excitement, to play sexually, and then experience the pleasure of being with another.

 Possessiveness

Possessiveness does not have much to do with Love. It’s really about Patriarchy. It’s about a power structure in society. Real love is the ability to let the other person go, rather than to want to own them. At most, your partner is on loan with an option to renew, but they never belong to you.

 Freedom versus Control

On some level, possessiveness and control are reactions to a profound anxiety that you may lose the other person. We hope to diminish our fear of losing the other by trying to own them, to possess them, to control them; but people are more likely to stay and to come back voluntarily when they feel free than when they feel controlled.

 Relationship Consumerism

In the western world today, consumerism is seeping into relationship thinking.

Is this the best choice? Is this the best I can find? Is this the right time? Will I lose my freedom? We have been so conditioned to develop our choices and autonomy that there is a greater fear for people to partner.

 Commitment

Usually, in a couple, one person is more afraid to lose the other (fear of abandonment), and the other is more afraid to lose themselves (fear of suffocation). We all need both connection and separateness, but some of us come out of our childhood needing more space, and some of us come out of our childhood needing more protection and connection; and we tend to partner with the person on the other side.

 Expectation

Some people are afraid to come too close because they are afraid of losing someone they’ve grown to love, and so they avoid the chance of being hurt. Then there are those who expected a relationship to make everything in their life perfect, and when it only changes one part of their life, they become disillusioned and then avoid any chance of being disappointed again.

 New Model of Commitment

Some people who are afraid of commitment in a romantic relationship can be lifelong loyal friends, and be deeply committed to their family or their work. A fear of commitment doesn’t necessarily stretch across all areas of your life. It may be that the model of commitment you are being asked to adhere to doesn’t work for you. Some people may make a better partnership by not moving in together, for example.

 Sexual Privacy

Erotic couples respect each other’s erotic privacy. They understand that there are thoughts, drives, desires and fantasies that belong to the other and that are a part of their own intimacy with themselves. We need an intimacy with ourselves and an intimacy with our partner, and they live side by side.

 Turn Yourself On

Knowing how to turn yourself on is essential. Instead of saying: “He/she turns me off/on when…,” I ask my clients to use the phrase: “I turn myself off/on when…” And what I hear from them is basically: “I turn myself off when I don’t take care of myself and I feel dead inside,” and, “I turn myself on when I feel alive, when my senses and curiosity are awakened, when I’m open.” What do you do to awaken your aliveness, your senses, your sexuality? If you don’t do that first, your partner may jump through hoops but you won’t necessarily respond.

 Tantra

Tantra is about the connection between consciousness, energy and breath, which a lot of lovers do not know about. They are very focused on genital orgasm, and have everything to learn from a tradition that talks about the whole body, and understands that breath can awaken you in very different ways than just manual stimulation.

 Destination Sex

I don’t see sex as something we do. I see sex as a place we go. Sexuality is a space you enter with yourself and with others. Many people can do sex but feel nothing. No one ever complains because they want more sex where they feel nothing; it’s always about better sex. “Better” means they want to reconnect with the quality of aliveness, vibrancy, vitality, renewal, playfulness and connection that they used to experience, or that they hoped they one day would.

 Self-Expression

Self-expression in sex has to do with where you go in yourself, what parts of yourself you connect to, what gets expressed in sex. Is it the part of you that’s more infantile, that wants to be taken care of, that likes to be more powerful, dominant and in control, that likes to be naughty and rebellious, that seeks to transcend the borders of your physicality in a spiritual union? “Where do you want to go in sex?” is the question you want to ask.

 Contraception

Contraception allows us, for the first time, to socialise sexuality, to think of it not as a property of biology and nature but as a property of oneself; so, we get to make decisions about it. With contraception, we get to decide when we want to have children. That is a revolutionary historic change.

 Parenthood

Child centrality has never been so acute as it is today. We want our children to have our attention and our availability 24/7. So, it takes collaboration and creativity to be able to marry a romantic model that wants time, intimacy, sexuality and communication for the adult couple with this child centrality we are embracing. Both partners need to be able to set boundaries in which they agree: “Now, it’s our time.”

It’s very important that you create a space for the adults, including an erotic space, which means you can relax, be playful, not be part of Management Inc., and be in the zone of pleasure, which may or may not include sex.

If we preserve the couple, we preserve the family.

www.estherperel.com

What Makes Tantra So Special?

If anyone has heard the word Tantra or Tantric massage, it's usually followed by giggles and blushes, a few seconds of silence and then a change of subject. There is a big void on info in the media. Reading a book on Tantra doesn't help much either - you've got to experience it to be able to talk about it.

So what makes Tantra so special? and why do people give you that look when you drop this word in a casual conversation?

Tantra brings knowledge (theory) and awareness (practise) about your own sexuality. Nobody taught us about it in school, this is an opportunity for you to educate yourself and embrace the true potential of you whole being.

When it comes to food, we all want the healthiest and tastiest food to nourish ourselves. When it comes to clothes, we want the nicest and finest fabrics to cover us. When it comes to sex, we don't want more sex and  feel nothing. We all want "better" sex and we are afraid to ask for it. Sex is not something we do, it's a place we go. It's a space you enter with yourself and others.

"Tantra is about the connection between consciousness, energy and breath, which a lot of lovers do not know about. They are very focused on genital orgasm, and have everything to learn from a tradition that talks about the whole body, and understands that breath can awaken you in very different ways than just manual stimulation." (Esther Perel)

In a Tantric massage, you have the opportunity to build up your body awareness and experience intimacy on another level, not just physical. Your level of awareness is higher and the way you perceive sexual energy is more elevated. This is what makes Tantra so special. We are all craving for intimacy. Besides letting you see into me, we also want to be able to share a unique, sacred space with our lover, a space where I can be reflective, awaken, playful , feel safe and loved.

What Is Tantric Sex?

Most people I work with want to know what Tantric sex is. These two buzz words have become one of  "the most sought for" and "the most misunderstood" terms in practicality.

Every tantric masseuse has a story to tell. Still... nothing makes sense and we  are all more confuse then ever... so is anyone out there that can summarise what "tantric love making" means? so an 8 year old could understand it too??

The first myth that has to go is that Tantric sex is about having intercourse for hours. A comment that Sting made over 20 years ago has captivated the public's imagination. He tried to re-phrase it after and at some point he even said he regretted making that statement as everyone misunderstood him.

In Tantric love making, both partners transfigured each other. They are no longer "him and her" but deities beyond human faults. Shiva and Shakti are dancing together to maintain harmony in this Universe. The Tantric approach is a mental approach and has little to do with technique. Suffice it to say that boosting your ego about your own performance has nothing to do with Tantra. On the contrary, this will keep you down.

Maintaining a state of arousal for longer helps. There is no such  thing like: I'll kiss you, and I'll do this to you and then you'll do the same to me and hopefully we'll be both happy with what we've got by the time we finish. Giving just for the sake of giving, no expectations to get anything back. Receiving everything, staying open, going beyond your limitations... surrender.... A few key words here that indicate a state of mind. Starting from giving-receiving, the ego looses the battle. The state of consciousness changes and love making becomes a  transcendental metha-physical experience. It's not just about the body, it's about the journey that the mind takes you on.

Two minds can become one and travel together to discover the beauty of the non dual awareness. Bon voyage and enjoy!

One Month Intensive Tantra Yoga Course In Mexico

Part of the Agama Yoga school ( www.agamayoga.com), a new Tantra Yoga course has opened for more than a year now in Mazunte - Oaxaca, Mexico. It has quickly become one of Mexico's favourite stops for affordable courses like First Month Intensive Yoga Course and The Hridaya Silent Meditation Retreat.

For all info on courses, workshops and retreats, please visit http://hridaya-yoga.com/

The Ella Experience, www ellaxp.com

The Yoni Massage - What Does It Do To Women?

The counterpart of the Lingham Massage is the Yoni massage. It is often offered in a Tantric massage place/temple for women by women. If you are already thinking about two naked women massaging each other....let me stop you here!

Women choose to go for a Yoni massage:
a) out of curiosity, they have probably read about it in a fancy magazine;
b) because they feel they are missing out on something here (they might not be able to have an orgasm and talking about it with a woman might be easier for them);
c) they want to experience a woman's touch.

A Yoni massage is designed for women by women. A full body massage to start with ensures that the recipient is more relaxed and can open her body to receive the Yoni massage. It can be an intense, emotional experience, where the client remains passive and is deeply connected to herself, her mind remains still.

The Yoni massage can clear sexual blockages (if any) and increases the recipient's sexual confidence. Her sacred space is worshipped by her through the giver's mind, hands and intention. there is no rush and each woman reacts differently. Some perceive it as a nice relaxing experience, others as a breakthrough into their fears, traumas and emotional insecurities.

Whatever the issue you want to experience a Yoni Massage for, talk to the therapist prior to session. Every woman is different and should be treated as such.

Benefits Of Orgasm For Men And Women

Women are multi-orgasmic by nature while men have to learn how to build and surf on that continuous wave without exploding. Women need more time to find an orgasm, men are pressured by time. Women are greedy, they want another one, and then another one, while most men are happy with one orgasm.

It seems we all want the same thing: whether we call it sex or love making, everyone wants their emotional and physical needs met. The rest is just linguistics. Whether we are able to express our feelings through words, the way we feel after a close intimate contact is about the same. We feel loved, taken care of and sometimes even spoilt!

Orgasms make us happy and they put us into a deep state of relaxation, we can fall asleep straight through after, or relax easier after a stressful day - cortisol (the stress hormone) has left the body, and new endorphins have been released.

Frequent orgasms can make you look 10 years younger. If you have ever bumped into somebody whom you haven't met recently and he/she looks younger, feels more vital and looks happier,  no need to ask them why and how. You can though... to check if the theory is true. Be my guest!

Whether in a relationship or not, we can all have orgasms. Of course, "a dildo doesn't bring you flowers and you can't introduce it to your parents" (Sex And The City). If it works for you, (or your hands are enough), the endorphin rush is enough to calm the nerves. Plus your skin will glow (not in the dark though!).

The Ella Experience - www.ellaxp.com